What Miscarriage Taught Me About Advent

I've always loved the season of advent. I've loved the "idea" of celebrating the wait for our Savior. I never had to wait though. Yes, I have to wait for his returning as we all do. But, Jesus is with me now. 

I've never been patient. I'm horrible at waiting. Chris and I laugh about this often as it seems Hutton has taken after me in that regard. 

This year I've seen Advent differently. Honestly, I've never been farther from God during Advent than I have this year. I've been mad. Advent began with the gift of pregnancy. Then one short week later it was all gone. I didn't want to celebrate. I didn't want to worship. I was consumed with my sadness. 

The prenatal vitamins were hidden in the back of the pantry. Huttons Big Brother t-shirt stuffed in a drawer. The dreams of a new baby were shattered. 

One week later and I've gone through many emotions. It hasn't been pretty. I've heard my sweet husband talk about hope lately and just today it clicked. 

For those that waited years for the Messiah- that was all they had. The HOPE that God would keep His promise. So this isn't the Advent I wanted, but I'm choosing to hold onto hope. 

So this Advent, I joined a group of many many of my friends. A group I never wanted to join. Having a miscarriage has been one of the hardest moments of my life. But- while holding into hope- I have to stay thankful. Thankful that it was earlier rather than later. Thankful for the wonderful, silly, happy almost two year old boy God has given me the privilege of raising. Thankful for a supportive husband that sat on the couch with me and let me cry. Thankful that I don't have to wait for my Savior. Thankful that even when I'm far away, He is always close. 

So this advent and Christmas is different. Maybe this year, through my own sadness and tear filled eyes- I see the meaning of Christmas that much clearer. 

Rest

Well hello blog world - it's been quite some time since I ventured in this direction.

Catching the blog world up would be a waste of time (especially since my main readers are my husband and best friend.) So, I thought instead I would catch the blog world up on the rest my sweet family experienced in August.

August was by far one of the craziest months we have ever experienced as a couple. Work was crazy. We both had two large weekend work events in. THE.SAME.WEEKEND. Scary! Did I mention that we no longer live in town with family? Yup- even scarier.

Well once the crazy weekend had passed our family headed down some small town roads to Blue Mountain Beach. Monday thru Saturday. People- can I tell you that I have never needed a time so much in my life.

This was our schedule:

Sleep.Beach.Eat.IceCream.Repeat.

Thank you God for that rest.

Yes the rest was vital. I needed it as I was exhausted from what we had been doing the past few months. I still hadn't recovered from the craziness of moving cities away from all that I knew and was attached to. This time with my little family made for 5 of the best days I have experienced in my 27 years. That may sound extreme but I'm beyond serious. It was the best! Enjoy these pics of our lovely week...

 

The Spring Scarf

 According to my weather app on my handy dandy IPhone, warmer temperatures are in my forecast. Thank you!!!!

With the coming of Spring, my mind starts to focus on one of my favorite spring fashion pieces.

The

Spring

Scarf

 

I love it.

Words. Can. Not. Describe.

 

Jeans, flats, tee, spring scarf, awesome bracelets

 

So, I thought I would share some of my favorites I am eyeing...

 

Multicolor Stripe Scarf from J.Crew
$55
LOVE



Wellington Chevron Scarf
Francescas
$18
I will admit, I'm a little tired of the all over chevron. But, on a scarf....


Pale Coral Striped Lurex Infinity Scarf
World Market (Did you know they have amazing scaves for cheap prices... because they do!)
$16.99
I have a love for an infinity scarf... I think I just love the ease of it.


Delightful Dot Square Scarf
LOFT
$34.50
The colors, the dots, and the stripes combined won me over.

 

Hmmm, all I want to do now is go by them. All of them. Maybe just one...

Easter Dresses

Since today is March 1st, that means Easter is 30 days away. I love Easter. I'm even more excited about it now that Chris is in full-time ministry. As a child, I looked forward to my basket filled with goodies and the egg hunt with candy. I always had the hopes that I'd receive the golden egg with money inside. As a teenager, I looked forward to the new dresses and the nice gift I would get from my Mom. As an adult I now grasp the concept of Easter and the miracle of Easter and the gift of Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday blow me away. (I still look forward to the new dress too!!)

You know what would be an Easter miracle to many villages in Zambia in Africa. Water.

Yes, we spend money on Easter baskets filled with goodies, pictures with Easter bunnies that make our children scream, dresses for that family picture that never turns out as perfect as we envision, and meals to feed our families five times over. We never thought about water. Water just is. We have clean water to drink, clean water to bathe, clean water to wash those new dresses that get messed up by us and/or our kids. So how about this year we do something different. How about this year, we bring that Easter miracle to a village in Zambia.

My friend Jacob started a ministry called Water282 to bring water and the living water to villages in Zambia. Join in on this Easter campaign and help him bring not only clean water to drink but also the story of our Easter Miracle, our living water, our Saviour to this village in Zambia...

Go to Water282's website to say Yes to the dress!

 

Fear and Friendship

As I was sitting down to write this I looked up definitions of friend, friendship, and other similar terms. No definition seemed to fit what I was looking for. Friends are an interesting concept. We're wired to want friends. Jesus had his disciples. Yes He was their mentor, yes He poured into their lives, but He was also their friend. We begin making friends from the infant age. Some friendships are brief, some last a lifetime. We love our friends. We love those we talk to daily/weekly and we love those who are monthly/even yearly relationships.

Thinking about how much we love and care for our spouse, children, or other family members is a constant thing. We spend great deals of time with our friends; yet, we don't often let them know exactly what they mean to us.

Yesterday, something very scary and awful happened to one of my best friends. As I read the words on my phone of what happened I was overcome with a whirlwind of emotions. It wasn't me who had this scary terrifying thing happen to them. Yet, I was filled with fear, sadness, thankfulness that they're okay, an urge to make it right, and so much more. In those moments I was reminded of how much I love this friend and so many others. Friends aren't your children who you tell you love them all day long, and they aren't your husband who you tell morning and night, they aren't your parents who you exchange the typical "I love you" at the end of phone conversations. They're something different. No matter the difference, they are a huge piece of our lives woven into our circumstances. They may be friends from church, childhood, work, or the gym. Wherever they may be from, they're blessings.

Take some time to tell your friends you care. Make that phone call even though you're busy. Stay connected. I'm no perfect friend, and this made me think of other friends I need to call, e-mail, text, plan a lunch date with. We can all make a better effort. Our situations may have changed, moved us to different places, different circles - but that doesn't mean friendships must change.

 

Worship Wednesday

 Worship Wednesday is a little different this week. One of my favorite worship songs is "Hosanna." It is one of those that never gets old to me. I think I've used it on here before. This past Sunday we had a special visit from one of my old small group Senior girls Caroline. Caroline is going to be a freshman at Samford this Fall. She joined our worship team for Sunday's service and sang a beautiful version of Hosanna that her Dad caught on an iphone video. I thought I would share it with you today.

Enjoy

"Hosanna"

I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

Hosanna Hosanna

Hosanna in the highest

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

Hosanna in the highest

Rental Projects

 We're renting our current home in Birmingham. Rentals are interesting. What I have learned from renting a house is we are incredible landlords with our home in Montgomery. We had it fixed up super nice when we moved in. I cleaned every speck of that house. We painted every room and perfectly. We filled in holes from pictures, curtains, etc. We had the carpets professionally cleaned. It was spic and span.

Not so much the case in the home we are renting here in Birmingham. 3 rooms had been painted, just not very well. I won't get started on the other details. Anyway, I want to love it more than I do. I want to do some things to make it feel like "our home."  Chris bought our house in Montgomery a good 4-5 years before I even met him. It always felt like "his home" to me. This is supposed to be our home. So how can I make it "ours" even though it is really not.

Here are my project dreams...

1~ The Pantry

I want to get a new door on it. The current one is slotted which makes it where I cannot use the inside of the door for any storage. I also need to do some reorganizing of it. It's a teeny pantry and needs some help. A new shelf, foam board over the wire shelves so items don't slip through the cracks, and more!

   

This pantry from I Heart Organizing is my dream. Seriously.

2. Drop Cloth Curtains

We have this huge window in our living room and my old curtains definitely don't fit. So I would love some DIY drop cloth curtains to fix this problem on a budget.



3. Kitchen

The cabinets. The paint. The hardware. It's a little rough.

I can't fix it all. New hardware though, very doable don't you think?

If I'm going to get new hardware, might as well be cute knobs and such!

4. Dining Room

I've been waiting for a dining room. We finally have one. A really good size one too. The only thing is, it is currently a hodge podge of the furniture that didn't fit in the rest of the house. None of the finishings match. The table is creaky and not big enough. There is no storage for nice dishes/serveware. Here is what I imagine...

A farmhouse table. Wood rustic top with cream legs.

One side with normal chairs painted a color. (I have these already, just need to paint!)

One side with a bench seat perfect for little ones.

Two comfy fabric chairs at each head. (I have these already!)

A rustic corner cabinet to hold some of our nice serveware that our kitchen is too small for.

A girl can dream...

Pages Turned

 I love to read. I love the smell of new books. I love the sound of pages turning. I love the sturdiness of hardback. I love the flexibility of paperback. I love novels. I love non-fiction. I love devotional books. I love books on prayer. I love books on christian living. I totally judge books by their cover. I love new authors. I dream of having a library with a ladder on wheels in my home. I love to buy books. I don't love libraries. I want to be able to go back to the book. To revisit the laughter, the tears, the advice, the encouragement.

I've felt this way since I was a child. I still love to look back at childhood books. Even at my assigned reading books. Once, Chris encouraged me to get rid of some of my book collection at a yard sale. I did. NEVER. AGAIN.

I dream of being a part of a book club. I've always wanted to. These days I don't read as much fiction as I have in years past. I've grown to love so many Christian authors and it seems as if they are always coming out with new books. With that being said, I'm going to begin my own little book club right here on my blog. Join me if you would like.

Here are our next few titles....

 

 

 

 

I picked these for various reasons.

Girls with Swords- I read a previous book of hers that I loved.

Mended- Catchy cover

The Fruitful Wife- I've been wanting to read this author. She writes many books geared towards teenage girls and I want to find out more about her.

Greater- A good friend recommended this.

Follow Me- I've read David Platt before (Radical) and loved it.

The Circle Maker- I've seen people post on the social media world about this book and it peaked my interest.

 

Have any of you read these? Thoughts? Opinions?

 

I'm currently reading The Fruitful Wife.

When I'm done ~ You'll know. 

One Year

 I am now officially the mother of a one year old.
Hutton...

You are the most joyful, smiley, goofy, adorable, cute, silly, monkey ever. Your mommy and daddy love and adore you and look forward to every moment spent with you.

All pictures are thanks to Hutton's amazing photographer with many talents Tyler Caldwell!

 

 

Proof

You know what I love? When God so obviously shows up. Sometimes He shows up BIG, sometimes He shows up small. Whether we realize it or not, He ALWAYS shows up.

Yesterday I was feeling very overwhelmed. I was beginning to get very concerned about job possibilities. I was starting to feel like I would have to take just "any job." I wrote yesterday's blog asking you to pray with me and I prayed about the situation. 

After my prayers and after the blog I felt a nudge to check out an organization's website that one of my friends had been encouraging me to look at since we moved. I look at the website- there is a job opening. A job opening that would actually use my educational background. What's better...

Not only my educational background but an organization that desires to glorify God and is truly making a difference in our world. 

So- I apply for the job. A few hours later I get a phone call. Tomorrow- I have an interview. 

Is this the job God has for me? 

I don't know. 

What I do know is that He provides. 

When you're feeling uncertain and scared...

He's there and He shows up. 

Thank you God for showing up for me.  

p.s..... oh how I would appreciate your prayers from 3-4 p.m. tomorrow (Valentines Day)

Future Unclear

When we said "Yes" to God and started preparing to hit the road to move to Birmingham I knew we would have to trust in God for a lot of different things.

Trust that our home would rent - Check

Trust that Chris would find fulfillment in this job - Check

Trust that Chris would be accepted in this job - Check

Trust that we would find a place to live - Check

Trust that Hutton's new preschool would be a good fit - Check

Trust that we would make friends - In Process :)

Trust that I would find a job - ...

 

I started looking for new employment almost immediately. I had an idea of what I wanted but all within a broad spectrum. I knew the deepest desire of my heart was to work at a college. Especially in  a job that would allow me to work with students. Oh how I dreamed. But, overall it didn't have to be at a college- I wanted to still work with a student population. At least while I'm still young enough for them to think I'm "kinda cool". I have so many passions, could employment come in another different area? Dreams of store ownership seem far off. I've loved working for non-profits- I believe in working for an organization with a higher calling that I believe in.

 

Well, new employment didn't come and hasn't come. God blessed us by my old job offering to keep me on a part-time basis through the end of March. So that is what I'm currently doing. 2 days a week in Montgomery and work 1 day from home. I love this job- I would do this forever.

BUT....

I need full time work

I need to be in Birmingham full-time

 

So here I am, drawing dreadfully near March and the title of "unemployed." I have 3 job applications currently in with no new opportunities in sight.

So many different directions to look...

Do I just get a "job" because we need the income...

Do I look for a job in a totally different field...

Do I try to hold out for what I think my heart truly desires...
Does God have something else for me?

 

I know the key is to trust in God confident that He will provide.

I'm terrified.

I know Chris is terrified even though He won't say a word.

Pray. Listen. Pray. Listen.

Will you pray with me?

 

Truth

Since I've been driving back and forth to Montgomery during the week it has given me the opportunity to have precious lunch dates with friends who I miss. Yesterday, I had the chance to have lunch with a friend, mentor, unofficial older sister, and a very Godly woman I look up to. We just went back and forth the whole time. We shared frustrations. We shared joys. We shared life happenings. She's a little bit older than me (not much!) but doesn't look down on me or at me.

We began to talk about how it is common for us as Christians to look down at our mistakes, and sit under the weight of our guilt. This often stops us from moving forward and we both expressed that in our past it made us continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. We both had experiences where we felt unworthy, and we were seeking acceptance and it caused our sins to mount and our shame to grow.

Then she just made such a statement of truth that I've kept it with me and felt led to share with you.
When we do that and hold on to our guilt and our shame and don't ask for forgiveness and move forward- we are saying that our mistakes and our sin are bigger than Jesus' death on the cross. That's crazy- no our sin is not bigger than Jesus' death. He died for ALL of our sins. Big and Small. He said "Tetelestai" = IT IS FINISHED. That means we don't have to sit under the guilt. He calls us to get up, continue, and live as the forgiven cherished son/daughters that we are.

 

I love these Keep Calm images way too much. I know, it's annoying now not trendy but I can't help it!

I loved that today. I pray that you carry that with you. Don't make the same mistake because you already have, what's the difference now. I lived with that mindset for years. You were made for more than that. Don't miss anything He has for you because you don't think you're worthy. We're so unworthy, but at the cross He made us WHOLE.

Reminds me of the beatiful song His Glory Appears from Hillsong...

You gave me hope
You made me whole
At the cross

You took my place
You showed me grace
At the cross
Where you died for me

Spring Favorites

I have a shopping problem. They say admitting it is the first step. I don't know if I believe this anymore because I have been well aware of this fact for a long time with no steps taken forward. Oh well right.

According to the groundhog SPRING is right around the corner. (PRAISE!) With that, I have been up to my typical internet browsing looking  drooling at the bright colors, unique textures, and beautiful patterns. Here are some of my favorties...

Beautiful Trina Turk Museum Dress

Chris has a cousin getting married in Boston in July and I know this dress is calling my name. Unfortunately, the price tag and my husband majorly clash.

 

Splendid Stripe Maxi Dress

Running errands, lunch at the beach, play day with little man- I would wear this all summer!

 

J.Crew Shambray Shirt Dress

I tried this on the other day and I can't get it out of my mind. It was the perfect fit. I could wear now all the way into Fall. I love chambray. I love chambray. I love chambray. Maybe if I keep thinking about it, then it will just appear in my closet.

(Hint Hint... size 6 was the perfect fit so the buttons don't pull. Does that problem happen to anyone else? Button down tops/dresses anything I go up a size!)

 

J.Crew Peter Pan Merino Sweater

 

I love sweaters, I love stripes, I really love Peter Pan collars. Nuff said.

 

 

Okay, okay. Back to the real world. I shall drool no more.