Mad

I woke up today finding myself mad. To be honest I was just not myself. I was mad at certain people, I was mad about certain situations, I was mad that I had nothing in my house to eat for breakfast, I was mad I didn't eat dinner because it made it harder to skip breakfast, I was mad that as I put on my clothes I was reminded that I still haven't lost all my pregnancy weight and Hutton is 3 months old, I was mad that the weekend was over and it was a workday, and to top it off I was really mad and felt beyond guilty that I once again was dropping my sweet, angel of a baby off for someone else that is not me to soak up 9 hours of his sweetness. So that is how my day started. I got to work ready to fire off at somebody/anybody but with no plans of actually doing that. I sat down at my desk and read the newspaper because that is actually part of my job duties now. I looked at my comptuer and pulled out my Jesus Calling book that sits next to my computer. Today's message referenced God being Emmanuel, God with us. I was like yadda yadda God is with me during my anger, good deal but I'm still mad. Then it talked about being thankful and not to reject God's gifts. So I thought about the things I was angry about and tried to turn them to thankfulness.

I'm thankful that I relationships that I care enough about someone that when something bothers me, it strikes up feeling rather than me just not caring. I'm thankful that although what food was in my house I didn't consider breakfast food, my house is still filled with food when others have nothing to eat. I'm thankful that I had a dinner sitting in front of me last night but didn't eat because I was holding my munchkin in my arms feeding him instead. I'm thankful that although I haven't lost my pregnancy weight the little boy that brought that weight on is worth every pound. I'm thankful that although its the first day of a work week and I'm sleepy I have a great job to go to that helps pay our bills and gives us extra. I am still a little angry about the someone else getting 9 hours of Hutton's sweetness- but I'm thankful that I have a place I can send him where he is loved on and taken care of.

I'm especially thankful for this...

So I am thankful for all those things. Honestly- I'm still a little mad, but its fading.