Dealing with Hurt

I'm a sensitive person. Ask anybody that knows me. I'm so much so that my sensitivity was one of the first things Chris told my in-laws about me. While I am still sensitive, I feel that I get tougher every year. I hope that part of it is because I am no longer as concerned with what people think about me. 

Do you want to know the biggest secret?

I 

don't

want

to

be

different

Okay okay, well in some ways I want to be different. I want to hurt people less. I want to NEVER gossip again. I want to never assume the worst in people and always give them a chance first. I want to trust more. But- I have no desire to be less sensitive. Why? Because although I am very sensitive about how others hurt me or make me feel- I'm also very sensitive about how others hurt those who I love and even those I've never met. That- I never want to change.

So, if I'm going to continue to be good old sensitive me, how do I deal with those times when my feelings do get hurt? Those times when I feel like I don't fit in. Those times when I feel left out. Those times when others make comments that tear me down. Those times when I feel as if people don't see the real me. I'm asking this... because I've felt this way a lot lately.

I know the preachy answer. I'm well aware that my confidence should come from God and that he will always be there, always support me, says that I'm wonderfully made, is a shoulder to cry on. But come on, we're human and its not always that easy! I will get hurt, I'm human. But what to do?

Confrontation?
Vent to my husband?
Vent to my friends?
Cry by myself in my room/office/closet?
Just accept it?

I don't know the answer- do you? My choice is that I'm going to lean on God for support. Yes people will probably make comments, but I'm going to lean on my husband when I'm hurt instead of being sad alone. I'm going to parent the way I feel called to parent no matter what anyone says. If you're close to me and hurt my feelings, I'm going to assume it wasn't your intention and move on. If I feel left out, enjoy the extra time to spend with Chris and Hutton.

Is this the best way- I don't have a clue. But, it's the way I've chosen for now.

 

Lingering Sadness

 

Yall, I'm not going to lie I have had this sadness that haven't been able to shake. I honestly thought that after all the sad goodbye festivities of the weekend, and Hunter's funeral yesterday that I would wake up today fresh and new. I prayed I would wake up more motivated to share God's love, and more motivated to be the mom, wife, friend, employee I know I want to/should/can/am called to be. Reality check- I have been feeling some blues today. Much less motivated. Much less refreshed. Maybe even a little bit more sad. So I tried some things that I thought might get me going. I imagined a new house one day (yes I am totally aware how materialistic and superficial that is). I listened to Louie Giglio's talk/musical arrangement of the Symphony. If none of you have heard that before go YouTube it, it is well worth it. I ate some chocolate. I'm telling yall- none of these things are working. Granted, I know I will soon go scoop up my little munchkin H and he will bring a smile to my face as he always does right now. But it made me think about how we shake sadness. Sadness will come. Fortunately for us, sadness will also go. But, how do we handle it when it does come swooping in with its tears and frowns?

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous be shaken Psalm 55:22

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2

The only way we can truly shake the sadness and not just put on a happy pretend face is to look to God. He is close to you when you are hurting, he will save you, put your cares on him, he will give you strength, you can trust him, you can find refuge in him.

So when you're sad its okay to do a little new home imagining, eat a little chocolate, find a powerful preacher and listen to him preach the word, but where you will find your sustenance and where you will find your joy... is in His word where you find His promises. His promises are good and are faithful and He will always come through on His promises. So today, that is what I'm clinging to when I can't shake this sadness.

Heavy Heart

  Yes I had every good intention of getting my Sunday series post out yesterday. Yes I did the research. Yes it was just too busy for me to sit down and actually write the blog post. Therefore, it will appear next Sunday (with a little Mother's Day tribute as well)

Today my heart is very heavy. We had a full weekend that was mostly full of laughs, smiles, and lots of fun times. Unfortunately, it was also filled with many many tears. Yesterday morning we went to church for Brad and Rachel's last Sunday. I must say that it was the best sermon I've heard Brad preach and I think he's an amazing preacher. Tears welled up in my eyes from the beginning of the music. I've never known St. James without Brad and Rachel and I can without doubt say that their family and friendship has changed who I am as a person. So throughout the music, the sermon, communion, and reception I was filled with emotions, memories, sadness, but stilll a great deal of happiness for the future that is ahead for them. I am also thankful that I know without a doubt that this is not a goodbye and that we will be lifelong friends.



After a hard morning we built up our strength to go to a visitation for some dear friends who lost their 19 year old son on Friday. Randy and Lisa Helms were one of the very first couples I met at St. James. Lisa and I volunteered doing media together (she taught me everything I know) and Randy does lights on Sundays. Their sweet daughter Hayden was a program attendant in our wedding and I love their family more than words can say. We waited in a very long line among people who love their family to hug their necks and share their prayers for the family. It came to our turn and we hugged their necks praying for God's strength to cover them in this time and in the days and weeks ahead when the visitors, food, flowers, and phone calls don't come as often. I walked through the line and looked at all the pictures of Hunter throughout the years and was so clearly reminded that we never know how much time we have or how much time we have with those we love.

So I picked up my little munchkin from my sweet friend Abbey and held him tight. I went to youth and got ice cream with sweet Caroline in my small group. I put my little one to bed and slept quickly after an emotionally exhausting day. Today we will go to the funeral and Chris will play and sing "Cry Out to Jesus." I just wanted to attach those lyrics because everyone of us can relate to the words and my prayer is just that we all realize how much we need Jesus. Yesterday Brad's sermon the line he kept mentioning was "It's all because of Jesus." He was referring to all the many things he has seen in his time at St. James. But today I can say that it is all because of Jesus that the sanctuary will be filled with people who love Randy, Lisa, Hayden and Hunter. It is only because of Jesus that the Helms will be able to get through this incredibly difficult time. It is only because of Jesus that we are here, that we have freedom, that we can feel love. So read these words and I hope they touch you today.

"Cry Out To Jesus"

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight